dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I looked at my own cervix.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
