I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
