My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
