He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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