Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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