I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
