He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
