Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
