Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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