I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
