Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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