I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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