my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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