i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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