Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
