And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So. Much. Porn.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
