I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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