I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
