Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
