I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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