Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
