I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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