Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You ate ashes out of my bong
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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