Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
