turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I did not marry a roomba.
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