If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
