I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
