i think i have two assholes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
