I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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