I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
