he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
