Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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