Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
