OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
