If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
