i just had sex bonerless
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
