you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
