Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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