maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
