I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
