it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
