Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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