Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
