i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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