I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
