Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
