i barfeds in our rink
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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