You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
