I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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