We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
