That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
